What The Heck Am I Doing?

There is a strong wind outside.
 
Whenever there was inner movement or turmoil in our family during this trip, the weather outside would reflect this. We had our worst drama in a night of very heavy rain. On every critical day or night, when we felt tense and there was a new development going on, I remember exeptionally strong winds shaking our mobile home, shaking our very life.
 
„As within, so without. As without, so within.“ This universal law applies to everyhing. Also to the weather.
 
Well, it’s not a drama right now. Things have calmed down very much. We deal in a more conscious way with our inner disturbances. The phase I (Karin) am in right now is a phase of disorientation. I just came back from a week in Switzerland, where I took a dive into my "old" world, worked, met some friends and enjoyed that very much. Now I feel like in empty space. As we drive along the roads, I keep asking myself „What the heck am I doing here?“.
 
When you are on a two-week-holiday near the seaside, you enjoy the sun, the fun, diving in the sea, you try out new activities like stand-up-paddling, you visit the national park nearby, it is all new and exciting. When you have seen and done it all, you go back home.
 
When you are on a seemingly limitless trip, there also is a moment of „seen and done it all“. You do not feel like swimming in the sea anymore. The next national park does not exite you very much. Visit a museum? Get out of it! But then you do not go back home. You ARE home. And yet, you are not. Disorientation.
 
Before we left, a friend in Bern told me that there would be a crisis occurring around the eighth or ninth week on tour. That we would question everything and ourselves then. And that once we passed these critical weeks, we could go on forever.
 
I have learnt that phases of disorientation offer all possibilities. Every direction is open to you. They are not easy to stand. But they lead you to the next level. Quite curious how this will look like.